becoming jaded?

I don't think I have the habit of having year-end review of life or something like that. I guess because I'm a blabbermouth -- every eeny weeny pathetic detail of my life is broadcasted online, from twitter to plurk (yes, it still exists) except for tumblr because I really have not figured it out. 

But I feel like doing one tonight. From all the writings about running the past months, I need to write something non-running related. In my case, I miss writing about me, myself, and Rose. =)

Life has been good. I think however bad life is, I always see it as beautiful. So my good might be different from other's standards.

I guess my only qualm for this year is that I kind of grow into something I'm not. It's not that I stop being myself. I guess, it's just I tone down.

I always think of myself as a cheerleader -- giving out true and not-so-true compliments, trying to make around me comfortable, and pushing them to their best. But lately, I find myself withdrawing from this. 

I felt that motivation always comes from within. Although my cheering and half-truth compliments may be a boost but I realized it's just temporary. Or, I need to keep cheering to not lose the enthusiasm. Therefore, it's ineffective. 

And, I'm tired. And, I have enough of it.

I'm now a strong believer that it's only us who can help ourselves.

So if you come to me whining you cannot do it or that your life sucks, and hoping that you would get a sympathy. Sorry, but I have 3 kids, a husband, a mother, a mother-in-law and myself to tend to.