May 30, 2012 Flax Oil As a True Aid Against Arthritis Heart InfarctionCancer and Other Diseases (3rd Edition) (9780969527213): JohannaBudwig: Books

Flax Oil As a True Aid Against Arthritis Heart Infarction Cancer and Other Diseases (3rd Edition) [Paperback]

The Alternative Cancer Treatments That Also Shrink Tumors

Essaic Tea (Using herbs that have NOT been dehydrated)
Essaic Tea is one of the foremost alternative cancer treatments known to shrink tumors. As with all herb teas, however, its ability to work is heavily dependent on the quality of the growing, processing and storage of the herbs. Herbs that have been dehydrated are rarely of much use.
  • "After word of Caisse's [the founder of Essiac Tea] impressive results spread to the United States, a leading diagnostician in Chicago introduced her to Dr. John Wolfer, director of the tumor clinic at Northwestern University Medical School. In 1937, Wolfer arranged for Rene to treat thirty terminal cancer patients under the direction of five doctors. Rene commuted across the border to Chicago, carrying her bottles of freshly prepared herbal brew. After supervising one and a half years of Essiac therapy, the Chicago doctors concluded that the herbal mixture prolonged life, shrank tumors, and relieved pain. "
Carrot Juice and Raw Food Diet
Vitamin A has been shown in studies to shrink the size of tumors. The best way to take Vitamin A is with carrot juice:
  • "Cancer growths and sores appear in practically every part of the body and take a long time to heal. Since the body creates these conditions, it is essential to eliminate the food which feeds their development. From his long experience, Dr. Earp-Thomas was fully convinced that when cooked food was eaten it permitted tumors and growths to build within the body. Yet when living food was substituted, these tumors and growths immediately began to shrink for lack of nourishment. The most thrilling experience I can recall was to see cancer cells taken from a human body and thriving on cooked food but unable to survive on that same food when it was uncooked."
  • "There are numerous reports/claims that a diet consisting almost entirely of a diversity of vegetables can cause cancer tumors to shrink or even vanish. If these reports are correct, they make sense in the context of the theory that is presented here. I am postulating anaerobic metabolism and thus cancer can be caused by the blockage of the aerobic process at any point in the Kreb's cycle or the respiratory chain. There are numerous chemical steps that are involved in sequence and if any of them is blocked you have the potential of arresting the entire aerobic process. Each of these steps are catalyzed by specific enzymes and regulated by other enzymes. If any of these are missing, aerobic metabolism could stop."
Ellagic Acid
  • "Multiple studies have discovered that phytonutrients found in raspberries can protect us from cancer and can even shrink some types of cancer tumors. These substances can also act as an antibacterial and as an antiviral agent. Does this sound too good to be true? One particular substance found in this natural "medicine chest", is a series of compounds called ellagitannins. The highest levels are found in raspberries, but the ellagitannins are also in certain types of grapes, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries and some nuts too. Recent work (2001), published by Dr. Gary Stoner at Ohio State University, showed that components in the seeds and berry, but particularly ellagitannins, inhibited the initiation and promotion/progression stages of esophageal cancer. This is an extremely important finding, considering the potential benefits."
  • "The studies found in the left column [of this web page] were compiled by Susan Thorpe-Vargas Ph.D. and represent a summation of EA's known medical properties:
    EA is an anticancer agent - it protects DNA from mutation.
    EA shrinks tumors within 72 hours if the cancer is not caused by a mutation in the p53 or WAF 1/p21 genes.
    EA is a natural phenolic antioxidant.
    EA exerts actions that are both anti-bacterial and an anti-viral.
    EA appears to inhibit liver fibrosis.
    EA is cardioprotective and may prove useful in the treatment of myocarditis."
Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10)
  • "In one breast cancer study, women were given 390 mgs per day in divided doses along with supplements. The result was that tumours shrank. A maintenance dose of 100 mgs was considered adequate."
Actually, the recommended dose of CoQ10 is at least 390 mgs.
Aloe Vera
  • "Michael Arrington was diagnosed with liver cancer. Doctors found 17 tumors on his liver. One was the size of a baseball. Doctors gave the cancer victim 4 to 21 days to live. Six months after Mr. Arrington began taking only Aloe Vera as a supplement, Doctors examining the patient's X-rays could not find [any] trace of the tumors."
Aloe Vera is another one of those natural plants that is very difficult to process correctly to maintain its cancer-fighting properties. The FDA shut down one of the top aloe vera manufacturers because they had a 94% cure rate on terminal cancers.
High Dose Vitamin C
  • "Basically, the vitamin C is transported to the lungs in the blood where it is oxidized. It then is transported to the cells where it diffuses to the mitochondria and delivers its oxidation potential, powering the respiratory chain, and cycle repeats. It should be noted that there have been many reports where mega doses of vitamin C have been attributed to causing the shrinking of cancer tumors." (also used above)
It is always best to take MSM whenever you take Vitamin C or any other protocol that kills microbes. Here is an article on how to use MSM with Vitamin C, regardless of the dose of Vitamin C you take!!
MSM-Vitamin C protocol Jodi-Hummingbird's review of Minding My Mitochondria 2ndEdition: How I...

The book recommends eating soy products, rice and potatoes and also recommends a low-fat diet. The current diet plan does not support adding these foods to the diet and is a high-fat diet; high in healthy fats. It is a low-sugar and starch, dairy-free, gluten-free and soy-free diet that minimises or eliminates grains, legumes and potatoes. (Some of us need to completely eliminate these. I know I do.)
Wahls writes, 'Raw dairy still has casein (protein) that looks like gluten to our immune system. That means raw milk still stimulates immune system problems. For those with food allergies / sensitivities it is still a major problem. Once sensitized - always sensitized. I avoid and strongly urge all with an a chronic disease or autoimmune disease to AVOID. Gluten grains - wheat, rye, barley, and the protein in dairy - can lead to an over active immune reaction -- which then can lead to autoimmune problems, asthma, rashes, mood problems and more. For many going gluten free, dairy free is the beginning of better health. Going fully paleo (no grain and no legumes) for many will lead to even more vitality. But for most - it is a transition that may take several weeks or months. It is ok to start small, but do start the journey..'
Wahls' current diet plan, as best as I can work it out, is as follows:
* Eating 9 cups of non-starchy vegetables and berries each day (3 cups each of greens, sulfur containing veggies, and colourful veggies) is essential. Choose organic and/or grow your own if you can.
* It is okay to take in some of your 9 cups in the form of freshly pressed juices.
* Eating good quality grass-fed/free-range/organic meats daily is essential.
* Cook with natural fats such as coconut oil, lard and clarified butter/ghee.
* Eating organ meats such as liver is recommended at least once a week. Liver is very important for B vitamins. Cooked medium rare is best.
* Bone broths are recommended daily. They are full of minerals and help heal the gut.
* Eating seaweed once a week or more is recommended.
* Eating nuts/seeds or nutritional yeast is recommended daily, including coconut milk.
* Eating sprouts is recommended, such as broccoli sprouts.
* Eating fermented foods such as unpasturised sauerkraut is recommended.
* Eggs are recommended, although people with autoimmune diseases should not have egg whites due to a problematic protein in the egg white. (They should be eliminated at first and added back after a few weeks, and only eaten if there is no reaction to them. Same with nightshades)
* Eating small amounts of honey or cocoa is okay, and so is eating natural flavourings in food such as spices and ginger.
* Getting enough Omega 3 fatty acids and not too many Omega 6s is important, so Omega 6 containing oils should be minimised and fish oil capsules taken, and foods such as hemp oil, seafood and flax oil eaten. The best ratio is 3:1.
Other helpful things:
* Vitamin D should be over 50 ng/ml and under 100 ng/ml. (Take a test every 1- 3 months and take 4000 IU vitamin D3 daily, or more if needed. 150 ng/ml is toxic.).
* Having daily quiet time is important, to calm down our adrenals. Meditation, massage, nature and family time is also important.
* Epson salt baths, melatonin and herbal teas can help sleep.
* Minimise toxin exposure and quit smoking.
* B complex supplements or sulphur amino acids may be helpful (under a doctor's direction).
* Heavy metal testing and treatments such as clay baths and facial clay masks and saunas may be helpful.
* A good quality water filter is essential.
Wahls also supports ideas such as:
* Supplements can in some cases be helpful, but they can never replace a nutrient dense and healthy diet. A proper diet must always come first. Foods contain many beneficial cofactors and other compounds not included in supplements and many that we have not yet even discovered or named.
* Getting evaluated for potential food allergies, toxic load issues and more personalised nutritional needs by a practitioner of functional medicine is a very good idea. The Institute for Functional Medicine can help you find a provider in your area.
* Drugs are not the answer. Let food, good wholesome food be thy medicine.
* "Between the unexpected, unpleasant events in our lives and our response to those events is a space, and in that space we have a choice in deciding what our response will be. We can either give up or get up each day and do our best."
* "Epigenetics is how your environment talks to your genes. Our cells are capable of reading the state of our environment and activating or deactivating genes. This means that, based on the choices we make, we can turn on genes for health or turn off those health-promoting genes. In other words, it is your health behaviors such as diet and activities, that determine whether the health-promoting or the health-robbing genes are active. For some conditions, such as cystic fibrosis or hemophilia, our genes are an important factor, often the cause of the disease. But for the obesity, heart disease, mental health and autoimmune epidemics that are driving up the cost of health care in the U.S. and around the world, there are no single genes that are the culprit. Instead, for each of these problems, multiple genes are involved, and they interact in a complex way with the environment."
* We need to stop blaming our genes for our illnesses and work on making the best of the 70% that is under our control.
* "Yes, it does cost more to eat vegetables. But you will pay the price either way--for food that restores your health and vitality or for doctor visits, drugs, surgery and loss of work due to health problems."
* "Functional medicine is really looking at health of the cell. And what can we do to help the individual make the environment for their cells, an environment for doing the biochemistry life more ideal. So that comes down to the fruit you eat or do not eat, the quality of the air you breathe, the water you drink, the toxic load that is in your body is a result of the exposure you had over a lifetime because if you couldn't get the toxins out the day you were exposed to them, they get parked in your fat and did you know that your brain is 70% fat? So if you can't get the toxins out you had today with your whatever your exposure was, you're parking it in your fat and your brain which is going to create havoc over time."
Hard to argue with any of that! I agree with all of it. Most of the above are quotes from Dr Wahls, from her many websites.
Functional or holistic medicine just makes so much sense. It treats the actual cause of diseases, rather than just blindly drugging everything and focusing on endlessly chasing and minimising symptoms.
There are 3 basic principles of the type of medicine discussed by Wahls and others in this same field:
A. Get the good stuff in. Give your body the fuel and tools it needs to work at an optimum level. Good food, nutrients and all the proper vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. Make sure you aren't deficient in any of the major nutrients as the different nutrients all work together.
B. Get the bad stuff out. Make sure your body can detoxify out all the toxic substances and toxic by-products of bodily processes properly. Stop as many toxins from getting in in the first place, and do things which aid detoxification to get rid of the ones you have.
C. Reduce your body's total load. The total load concept is that lessening the body's overall burden/work and stress level in one area, will improve health generally and improve the body's ability to heal because the body's total load (or burden) is lessened. Fixing one problem frees up bodily resources that can be then be used to help other parts of the body function getter or to heal. In other words, you need to look at the body as a whole in order to heal, and not just the one part of the body that is generating the most symptoms.

Eating The Wahls Way

Eating the Wahls Way???

Here are three simple food rules to follow to ensure you will have enough building blocks on hand for optimal function of your brain and reduced risk of excessive inflammation.  

  1. Eat 9 cups of vegetables and fruit (3 green, 3 sulfur, 3 color) to ensure you have enough B vitamins, minerals (sulfur, iodine, magnesium), antioxidants, and essential fats through food (greens, seafood, grass fed meat, game, wild fish, flax, walnuts)
  2. Reduce food allergy risk (go gluten-free and dairy-free)
  3. Eat organic, locally grown foods and grow more of your own

Tips to eat the Wahls Way???

  • Focus on greens, in smoothies, salads, chips, soups and stews.
  • Steam kale 30 seconds to cut the bitterness and use as a wrap for meat, chicken salad or tuna salad.
  • Make chicken nachos: cover corn chips with finely chopped kale, onions, and tomatoes. Top with vegan (gluten-free, dairy-free and soy-free) imitation cheese shreds. Broil.
  • Mix kale with other leaf lettuce for salads.
  • Marinate kale in lime juice or vinegar and sea salt for 30 minutes to overnight to cut the bitterness and soften.
  • Add grated fresh ginger to kale salads to cut the bitterness.
  • For green smoothies, use this basic recipe: 1 cup greens, 2 cups fruit or juice, 1-2 cups ice. Be mindful of the colors! If you mix greens and purples you will end up with a brown smoothie, which may be less appealing.
  • Rotate through different greens, such as kale, spinach, lettuce, beet greens, mustard greens, and parsley so that you don???t eat just one kind of green.

Kale chips

Kale is packed with vitamins and minerals and is very inexpensive for the nutrition contained within. Chips are a great way to enjoy kale -- even your teenagers will enjoy.
  • 1 bunch kale (remove stems ??? save for smoothies)
  • 1-2 tsp sea salt, 1 tbsp vinegar, 1-2 tsp black pepper, ?? tsp cayenne pepper
  • Mix seasoning with kale (it will shrink by 50%)
  • Add 1 to 2 tbsp walnut oil and ?? cup nutritional yeast to coat leaves
  • Lay leaves on dehydrator tray and dehydrate at 95 degrees overnight or bake in the oven at 250 to 300 degrees until crispy, checking every 15 minutes till crunchy.

Beet Smoothie

Beets are packed with vitamins and minerals and are very inexpensive for the nutrition contained within them. Blend the following for a refreshing smoothie.
  • 1/2 beet (sliced or chopped)
  • 1-2 cups orange juice
  • 1 apple 
  • 1 cup water or iced tea
  • 1 cup ice
  • Fresh ginger to taste

THE WALHS PROTOCOL| Defeating Progressive Multiple Sclerosis withoutDrugs| Terry Wahls M.D.

Thomas Edison, over a hundred years ago, said, ???The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest his [or her] patients in the care of the human frame, in a proper diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease.??? This became my new course, my passion, and my mission. I understood health and disease in an entirely new way. I became a new person, both physically and emotionally, both personally and professionally.


I'm refraining reading about the what causes and side-effects of this illness and that as it's depressing, and it's not much of help.
The obvious thing is to think about what we could remove from our diet. But I took a completely opposite approach and began asking: What could we be adding to our diet that could boost the body’s defense system? In other words, can we eat to starve cancer?” (William Li)
Anyhow, I find it more uplifting to look for stuff about prevention. And, mostly I see are what to eat. This is another wonderful video on TED, William Li: Can we eat to starve cancer?
Related Links: -- local resource -- local source

Goat is my new Religion?

These weeks, my mind probably looks like it has been tsunami-d and raped. I am in between going to clinics / laboratories, talking with doctor friends, and then family outings. When I'm dealing with my mother's health matters, I have to be happy in a bit gloomy situation. And, when I was with the family outing, I have to stop the bad feelings to creep up and ruin the purrttyy.

But as a human instinct, we always try to look for that silver lining. You know how we always say that in rough times that we learn. And, I guess it's true.

For the past years, somehow, my mother has this annual "sickness" that would really devastate me. Though, with much "maturity" and experience, looking at them now, ours is just a tiny fraction compared to others' struggles. And, though misery loves company, I'm not a bit happy of those others who have to go thru some health issues and others.

Coincidence or not, but some of my "enlightenment" usually came after my mom's sickness. I hope there's NO more to learn or else my mom would be getting sick and sick.

With my mother's health stuff (won't use the word "sick"), I had collected a few enlightenment, religion, along the way. What I meant by religion is how I'd explain my decisions and outlooks of life, how I take life. Like we don't cheat and become unfaithful or become too rich because it's against Roman Catholic religion. At firts,

Fidel Castro is my religion

I don't know how I ended up reading Fidel Castro's biography / interview. But I think it happened after my mother's first polyp operation. I guess it was because I randomly learned that Cuba has one of the best healthcare system, and i got curious as to why an unpopular country could have it. So I read Fidel Castro.

His views can be unpopular, but somehow I find peace in them. You know those unpopular thoughts we have, which no one can understand, and then finally you find that person who somehow can explain why you're having that thoughts. Then, finally, you feel more at peace because you're not that weird or stupid at all to be thinking about those thoughts.

Somehow, I feel more confident to be doing those things like not buying a couch to replace our stone-age "lantay."

Running is my religion

After the 2nd time of my nanay, I wanted her / us to be more active. How can I do that when I was not even moving too. So one of the reasons why I started running. Running has then became more than being "active." It became a religion to me. Somehow, my decisions are based on "Will this help me run 10km/hour or not? If not, then it's not necessary."

Anyway, I will no longer romanticize it.

Then, I got a feeling my new religion will be GOAT.

Goat WILL be my new religion.

Though, I'm not really sure if I could take it as I could not yet see myself give up coffee and meat. =)

Which I'm reminded of Aga Mulach's interview, way back, where he said that they only let their kids eat brown rice. And, at that time, I could not help but think that's too cruel; eating brown rice is so lifeless. But here we are, starting eating brown rice.

But I think what made me cringe more about Aga's interview was that his whole family was endorsing Jollibee. Brown rice and Jollibee???

So, this new religion would be probably hard. I still haven't tried that Army Navy everyone is talking about.

(I don't know what happen to Multiply's blog editor but it's just so sad looking. I cannot post my beautiful pics to my post.)

May 28, 2012

Stephanie's Page

10. What to do Instead to Avoid Heart Disease

If statins don't work in the long run, then what can you do to protect your heart from atherosclerosis? My personal opinion is that you need to focus on natural ways to reduce the number of small dense LDL particles, which feed the plaque, and alternative ways to supply the product that the plaque produces (more about that in a moment). Obviously, you need to cut way back on fructose intake, and this means mainly eating whole foods instead of processed foods. With less fructose, the liver won't have to produce as many LDL particles from the supply side. From the demand side, you can reduce your body's dependency on both glucose and fat as fuel by simply eating foods that are good sources of lactate. Sour cream and yogurt contain lots of lactate, and milk products in general contain the precursor lactose, which gut bacteria will convert to lactate, assuming you don't have lactose intolerance. Strenuous physical exercise, such as a tread machine workout, will help to get rid of any excess fructose and glucose in the blood, with the skeletal muscles converting them to the much coveted lactate.
Finally, I have a set of perhaps surprising recommendations that are based on research I have done leading to the two papers that are currently under review (Seneff3 et al, Seneff4 et al.). My research has uncovered compelling evidence that the nutrient that is most crucially needed to protect the heart from atherosclerosis is cholesterol sulfate. The extensive literature review my colleagues and I have conducted to produce these two papers shows compellingly that the fatty deposits that build-up in the artery walls leading to the heart exist mainly for the purpose of extracting cholesterol from glycated small dense LDL particles and synthesizing cholesterol sulfate from it, providing the cholesterol sulfate directly to the heart muscle. The reason the plaque build-up occurs preferentially in the arteries leading to the heart is so that the heart muscle can be assured an adequate supply of cholesterol sulfate. In our papers, we develop the argument that the cholesterol sulfate plays an essential role in the caveolae in the lipid rafts, in mediating oxygen and glucose transport.
The skin produces cholesterol sulfate in large quantities when it is exposed to sunlight. Our theory suggests that the skin actually synthesizes sulfate from sulfide, capturing energy from sunlight in the form of the sulfate molecule, thus acting as a solar-powered battery. The sulfate is then shipped to all the cells of the body, carried on the back of the cholesterol molecule.
Evidence of the benefits of sun exposure to the heart is compelling, as evidenced by a study conducted to investigate the relationship between geography and cardiovascular disease (Grimes et al., 1996). Through population statistics, the study showed a consistent and striking inverse linear relationship between cardiovascular deaths and estimated sunlight exposure, taking into account percentage of sunny days as well as latitude and altitude effects. For instance, the cardiovascular-related death rate for men between the ages of 55 and 64 was 761 in Belfast, Ireland but only 175 in Toulouse, France.
Cholesterol sulfate is very versatile. It is water soluble so it can travel freely in the blood stream, and it enters cell membranes ten times as readily as cholesterol, so it can easily resupply cholesterol to cells. The skeletal and heart muscle cells make good use of the sulfate as well, converting it back to sulfide, and synthesizing ATP in the process, thus recovering the energy from sunlight. This decreases the burden on the mitochondria to produce energy. The oxygen released from the sulfate molecule is a safe source of oxygen for the citric oxide cycle in the mitochondria.
So, in my view, the best way to avoid heart disease is to assure an abundance of an alternative supply of cholesterol sulfate. First of all, this means eating foods that are rich in both cholesterol and sulfur. Eggs are an optimal food, as they are well supplied with both of these nutrients. But secondly, this means making sure you get plenty of sun exposure to the skin. This idea flies in the face of the advice from medical experts in the United States to avoid the sun for fear of skin cancer. I believe that the excessive use of sunscreen has contributed significantly, along with excess fructose consumption, to the current epidemic in heart disease. And the natural tan that develops upon sun exposure offers far better protection from skin cancer than the chemicals in sunscreens.

11. Concluding Remarks

Every individual gets at most only one chance to grow old. When you experience your body falling apart, it is easy to imagine that this is just due to the fact that you are advancing in age. I think the best way to characterize statin therapy is that it makes you grow older faster. Mobility is a great miracle that cholesterol has enabled in all animals. By suppressing cholesterol synthesis, statin drugs can destroy that mobility. No study has shown that statins improve all-cause mortality statistics. But there can be no doubt that statins will make your remaining days on earth a lot less pleasant than they would otherwise be.
To optimize the quality of your life, increase your life expectancy, and avoid heart disease, my advice is simple: spend significant time outdoors; eat healthy, cholesterol-enriched, animal-based foods like eggs, liver, and oysters; eat fermented foods like yogurt and sour cream; eat foods rich in sulfur like onions and garlic. And finally, say "no, thank-you" to your doctor when he recommends statin therapy.

References for "Why Statins Don't Really Work"

[1] K.D. Brandt, P. Dieppe, E. Radin, "Etiopathogenesis of osteoarthritis". Med. Clin. North Am. 93 (1): 1???24, 2009.
[2] J. Cable, "Adverse Events of Statins - An Informal Internet-based Study," JOIMR, 7(1), 2009.
[3] S. Calaghan, "Caveolae as key regulators of cardiac myocyte beta2 adrenoceptor signalling: a novel target for statins" Research Symposium on Caveolae: Essential Signalosomes for the Cardiovascular System, Proc Physiol Soc 19, SA21, University of Manchester, 2010.
[4] K.S. Collison, S.M. Saleh, R.H. Bakheet, R.K. Al-Rabiah, A.L. Inglis, N.J. Makhoul, Z.M. Maqbool, M. Zia Zaidi, M.A. Al-Johi and F.A. Al-Mohanna, "Diabetes of the Liver: The Link Between Nonalcoholic Fatty Liver Disease and HFCS-55" Obesity, 17(11), 2003-2013, Nov. 2009.
[5] J. Dorstand, P. Ku ??hnlein, C. Hendrich, J. Kassubek, A.D. Sperfeld, and A.C. Ludolph. "Patients with elevated triglyceride and cholesterol serum levels have a prolonged survival in amyotrophic lateral sclerosis," J Neurol. in Press:Published online Dec. 3 2010.
[6] O. Feron, C. Dessy, J.-P. Desager, andJ.-L. Balligand, "Hydroxy-Metholglutaryl-Coenzyme A Reductase Inhibition Promotes Endothelial Nitric Oxide Synthase Activation Through a Decrease in Caveolin Abundance," Circulation 103, 113-118, 2001.
[7] M.R. Goldstein and L. Mascitelli, "Statin-induced diabetes: perhaps, its the tip of the iceberg," QJM, Published online, Nov 30, 2010.
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[10] D.S. Grimes, E. Hindle and T. Dyer, "Sunlight, Cholesterol and Coronary Heart Disease," Q. J. Med 89, 579-589, 1996;
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[12] T.H. Haines, "Do Sterols Reduce Proton and Sodium Leaks through Lipid Bilayers?" Progress in Lipid Research, 40, 299-324., 2001;
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[14] P.H. Langsjoen and A.M. Langsjoen, "The clinical use of HMG CoA-reductase inhibitors and the associated depletion of coenzyme Q10. A review of animal and human publications." Biofactors, 18(1):101???111, 2003.
[15] P. Lijnen, H. Celis, R. Fagard, J. Staessen, and A. Amery, "Influence of cholesterol lowering on plasma membrane lipids and cationic transport systems," J. Hypertension, 12:59-64, 1994.
[16] J. Liu, A. Li and S. Seneff, "Automatic Drug Side Effect Discovery from Online Patient-Submitted Reviews: Focus on Statin Drugs." Submitted to First International Conference on Advances in Information Mining and Management (IMMM) Jul 17-22, 2011, Bournemouth, UK.
[17] A. Maguy, T.E. Hebert, and S. Nattel, "Involvement of Lipid rafts and Caveolae in cardiac ion channel function," Cardiovascular Research, 69, 798-807, 2006.
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[19] C. Minetti, F. Sotgia, C. Bruno, et al., "Mutations in the caveolin-3 gene cause autosomal dominant limb-girdle muscular dystrophy," Nat. Genet., 18, 365-368, 1998.
[20] O.B. Nielsen, F. de Paoli, and K. Overgaard, "Protective effects of lactic acid on force production in rat skeletal muscles." J. Phhsiology 536(1), 161-166, 2001.
[21] P.S. Phillips, R.H. Haas, S. Bannykh, S. Hathaway, N.L. Gray, B.J. Kimura, G. D. Vladutiu, and J.D.F. England. "Statin-associated myopathy with normal creatine kinase levels," Ann Intern Med, October 1, 2002;137:581???5.
[22] G. de Pinieux, P. Chariot, M. Ammi-Said, F. Louarn, J.L. LeJonc, A. Astier, B. Jacotot, and R. Gherardi, "Lipid-lowering drugs and mitochondrial function: effects of HMG-CoA reducase inhibitors on serum ubiquinone and blood lactate/pyruvate ratios." Br. J. Clin. Pharmacol. 42: 333-337, 1996.
[23] R.A. Robergs, F. Ghiasvand, and D. Parker, "Biochemistry of exercise-induced metabolic acidosis." Am J Physiol Regul Integr Comp Physiol 287: R502???R516, 2004.

[24] G. Saher, B. Br??gger, C. Lappe-Siefke, et al. "High cholesterol level is essential for myelin membrane growth." Nat Neurosci 8:468-75, 2005.
[25] S. Seneff, G. Wainwright, and L. Mascitelli, "Is the Metabolic Syndrome Caused by a High Fructose, and Relatively Low Fat, Low Cholesterol Diet?" Archives of Medical Science, 7(1), 8-20, 2011; DOI: 10.5114/aoms.2011.20598
[26] S. Seneff, G. Wainwright, and L. Mascitelli, "Nutrition and Alzheimer's Disease: the Detrimental Role of a High Carbohydrate Diet," In Press, European Journal of Internal Medicine, 2011.
[27] S. Seneff, G. Wainwright and B. Hammarskjold, "Cholesterol Sulfate Supports Glucose and Oxygen Transport into Erythrocytes and Myocytes: a Novel Evidence Based Theory," submitted to Hypotheses in the Life Sciences.
[28] S. Seneff, G. Wainwright and B. Hammarskjold, "Atherosclerosis may Play a Pivotal Role in Protecting the Myocardium in a Vulnerable Situation," submitted to Hypotheses in the Life Sciences.
[29] H. Sinzinger and J. O???Grady, "Professional athletes suffering from familial hypercholesterolaemia rarely tolerate statin treatment because of muscle problems." Br J Clin Pharmacol 57,525-528, 2004.
[30] E.J. Smart, G.A. Graf, M.A. McNiven, W.C. Sessa, J.A. Engelman, P.E. Scherer, T. Okamoto, and M.P. Lisanti, "Caveolins, Liquid-Ordered Domains, and Signal Transduction," Molecular and Cellular Biology, 19, 7289???7304, Nov. 1999.
[31] A.J. Shyam Kumar, S.K. Wong, and G. Andrew, "Statin-induced muscular symptoms : A report of 3 cases." Acta Orthop. Belg. 74, 569-572, 2008.
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[33] Y. Sunada, H. Ohi, A. Hase, H. Ohi, T. Hosono, S. Arata, S. Higuchi, K. Matsumura, and T. Shimizu, "Transgenic mice expressing mutant caveolin-3 show severe myopathy associated with increased nNOS activity," Human Molecular Genetics 10(3) 173-178, 2001.
[34] M. J. Taggart, "The complexity of caveolae: a critical appraisal of their role in vascular function," Research Symposium on Caveolae: Essential Signalosomes for the Cardiovascular System, Proc Physiol Soc 19, SA21, University of Manchester, 2010.
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[36] R.S. Tilvis, J.N. Valvanne, T.E. Strandberg and T.A. Miettinen "Prognostic significance of serum cholesterol, lathosterol, and sitosterol in old age; a 17-year population study," Annals of Medicine, Early Online, 1???10, 2011.
[37] J. Tong, P.P. Borbat, J.H. Freed, and Y. Shin, "A scissors mechanism for stimulation of SNARE-mediated lipid mixing by cholesterol." Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A 2009;106:5141-6.
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Statins and Myoglobin: How Muscle Pain and Weakness Progress to Heart,Lung, and Kidney Failure

In my view, statin drugs are never worth the risk of their sideeffects. Cholesterol is a vital nutrient, without which mammaliancells can not survive, and it is inconceivable to me that cripplingthe body's ability to synthesize cholesterol can ever be a good idea.In an excellent and highly informative review article published in2009, Wainwright et al. [43] developed a strong argument that statindrugs, by depleting cholesterol, lead to a destabilization of cellmembranes "from head to toe.

Take that Pill and Go Get a Cut

I feel hopeless and helpless. Every time I talk to a doctor (on the traditional side), it's just easy for them to go take a pill and get that surgery.
Why can't no one point me to a doctor who is also open to the alternative or whatever you call it medicine.
I feel crying!!!
Am I dead wrong in hoping that there's another way to be treated than to take pills after pills, and be cut?!?
Dear Lord, is that it? I'm so sorry to be whining.

Statins and Myoglobin: How Muscle Pain and Weakness Progress to Heart,Lung, and Kidney Failure

In my view, statin drugs are never worth the risk of their sideeffects. Cholesterol is a vital nutrient, without which mammaliancells can not survive, and it is inconceivable to me that cripplingthe body's ability to synthesize cholesterol can ever be a good idea.In an excellent and highly informative review article published in2009, Wainwright et al. [43] developed a strong argument that statindrugs, by depleting cholesterol, lead to a destabilization of cellmembranes "from head to toe.
by Stephanie Seneff

Stopping Statins

The result is a small but significant tendency for strokes and infarctions to occur during that time. This suggests the solution should be a gradual tapering off of statins, not abrupt cessation, and is certainly an option that you should discuss with your prescribing physician.

Cholesterol levels: What numbers should you aim for? -

Interpreting your cholesterol numbers

Cholesterol levels are measured in milligrams (mg) of cholesterol per deciliter (dL) of blood in the United States and some other countries. Canada and most European countries measure cholesterol in millimoles (mmol) per liter (L) of blood. Consider these general guidelines when you get your cholesterol test (lipid panel or lipid profile) results back to see if your cholesterol falls in an ideal range.
Total cholesterol
U.S. and some other countries Canada and most of Europe
Below 200 mg/dLBelow 5.2 mmol/LDesirable
200-239 mg/dL5.2-6.2 mmol/L Borderline high
240 mg/dL and aboveAbove 6.2 mmol/LHigh

LDL cholesterol
U.S. and some other countries Canada and most of Europe
Below 70 mg/dLBelow 1.8 mmol/LIdeal for people at very high risk of heart disease
Below 100 mg/dLBelow 2.6 mmol/LIdeal for people at risk of heart disease
100-129 mg/dL2.6-3.3 mmol/L Near ideal
130-159 mg/dL3.4-4.1 mmol/LBorderline high
160-189 mg/dL4.1-4.9 mmol/L High
190 mg/dL and aboveAbove 4.9 mmol/LVery high

HDL cholesterol
U.S. and some other countries Canada and most of Europe
Below 40 mg/dL (men)
Below 50 mg/dL (women)
Below 1 mmol/L (men)
Below 1.3 mmol/L (women)
50-59 mg/dL1.3-1.5 mmol/LBetter
60 mg/dL and aboveAbove 1.5 mmol/LBest

U.S. and some other countries Canada and most of Europe
Below 150 mg/dLBelow 1.7 mmol/LDesirable
150-199 mg/dL1.7-2.2 mmol/LBorderline high
200-499 mg/dL2.3-5.6 mmol/L High
500 mg/dL and aboveAbove 5.6 mmol/LVery high

Opening a Pandora Box

I don't know how to start this. But my mission to find cure for my mother's uterine polyps uncovered another puzzle. The doctor at wellnessland gave us orders for some laboratory tests. And, unfortunately, an alarming result related to my mother's liver  was showing.
The thing is we had the lab tests taken after 5 days she started with the wellnessland treatment. So we are unsure as to which caused the problematic lab results of her liver.
I went back to the wellnessland clinic but was entertained with a different doctor. I actually understand his stand that we need to wait for another 3 months to see the real results of their treatment.
But the gut feeling about me that I just need to hear another opinion was so strong so I sought out the help of a friend who is a doctor, who is currently having her specialization at Perpetual.
After talking to my friend, I saw how the traditional and the "alternative" camps are totally on the opposite ends of the pole.
So anyway, I followed my friend's advice to stop the alternative prescription, go back to Lipitor, and then we'll have another lab test after a week to see if taking off the Lipitor caused for the bad results concerning her liver.
So anyway, I happened to come across a website where I found articles about the negative side effects of Statin meds (Lipitor is a statin). The website is leaning on the "alternative / holistic" approach. So I googled and look for another "neutral" resource that would give me a literature about statin, and chanced upon Mayoclinic stated the different side-effects of statin, and it feels badly weird that 3 out of 4 serious side-effects have been experienced by my mother (more info here >>). The serious side-effects listed are Liver damage, Muscle problems, Increased blood sugar, neuroligical side-effects. Except for neurological side-effects, I'd seen my mother experienced the other 3. I'm not sure if this is just coincidence.
I think one of the wonders I have is that my mother's diet, far from perfect, has been strict. I would say that her diet since she had the stroke incident has been healthy that's why I could not get why 3 years ago, her sugar seems to be a bit above the normal range. She had arthritis problems which we needed to go to 3 doctors before someone had really done something right.
So anyway, my next step is to gather all my mother's old lab results data. Then, talk to all the doctors I could get my hands on and see what they can say about this.
Reference links: -- please take his views with a grain of salt
More resources about statins:

At a point, I felt crying as it's really confusing as to which is which. But I just have to have faith that maybe God is telling me something. And, I also take that my mother's uterine polyps is just a nudge to look deeper into this.
Still, God, please please continue guiding me!
Thank you very much!

May 17, 2012

A Great Demand of Organic Products in Cebu

Cebu Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association was conceived in a matter of minutes, literally. The founding members were all attendants of the seminar on natural farming system conducted by the Department of Agriculture in July 2006. It was the last day of a series of seminars for the whole month of July when a DA personnel suggested to the attendees to form an association to put meaning to what they had learned from the seminar. Everybody was agreeable to the idea so, right then and there, just before the seminar came to a close, they decided to elect a set of interim officers. Thus COFGA was born.
I stumbled on COFGA (Cebu Organic Farmers Gardeners Association), and seeing the comments on their About Us page shows that there's a great demand for organic products. Wow!

cook my garden: Cebu's Organic Farms (1)

Organic Farm in cebu

May 16, 2012

Fishing Expedition aka Talabahan

I'm not really a fan of "fishing." Seeing the fish wriggle for its life when caught by the rod feels like animal abuse to me. I'd really feel sad for the fish. =(

But then when I am surrounded with kids with unlimited energy, I just have to come up with any activity that will entertain them. With them free for whole summer vacation, it comes to the point that I and they ran out of activities to waste their energy on that I considered fishing; as we live near a "fishing" place / park slash all-in-one, Co Jordan Fishing, Food and Restaurant. It's located at the back of the subdivision. Probably around 2KM from our house.

One fine day, with all the kids bored, I decided to take them to that fishing. The goal was to spend as many energy of my kids so we just walk from our house to the fishing place via a shortcut.

A bit tricky shortcut, but kids love it.

Ate ice cream.

A few poses here and there.

Until we reached Co Jordan.

Mati decided not to fish, and instead volunteered to hold the fish net, where the catches would be placed.
Ate Mona caught 99% of the fishes. Fishing stopped when finally Migi caught one.

Meg had none as she could not keep herself still at one place.

We caught a total of 1.5KG of Bangus, at P160/kg. We had half of it made into "kinilaw" to add to our shrimp and pork order. The place is also like a "sutukil."

I videoke-d, Migi videogame-d while waiting for our food to be served.

As I said it's an all-in-one place, they even have free wi-fi.

For those who want try this, there's a detour across SM Consolacion, it's a road leading to Consolacion Tennis Court and Consolacion College, take that straight until you see Co Jordan. Cottage is at P150 if you like to stay in one. More pics here >>.

Placebo Effect

Earlier, I went to the Wellnessland Clinic to inquire about their service and to get a feel of them. I guess as we are really used to the very traditional medical service set-up, I just need to have a preview of what to expect the place. I need to see if I can trust them.

I always believe that relationship with doctor matters a lot. I guess we can call it it's part of placebo effect.

I picked a Sister Doctor (nun). While waiting, I went around. They're like a group of doctors housed in one clinic. The place is owkei, no sign of smoking cauldrons. =)

But then I saw a "virginity" soap, along with other organic products, being displayed for sale.  Ooopss. Please, placebo effect, don't be shattered! =)

Anyhoo, I got to talk with the Sister Doctor. Based on our initial talk, I am trusting her! =)

May 15, 2012

Taking the Road Less Travelled

Before we would decide to have my nanay go thru a knife and remove her uterus, I will seek help from the alternative medicine. Tomorrow, I'll visit Bio-Integrative Health Link Center (Wellness Land).

I refused to google about uterine polyps since the first time my mother encountered it for we all know how google can kill us with its results. But this time, I just need to face that monster. If we have to give up a part of our being women, I believe I need to cover all areas.

One of the things that made me think of going the alternative is because of this video of Dr. Terry Wahls, Minding your Mitochondria. It's worth the time viewing it.

Thank you, google. It informed me that hysterectomy is the 2nd surgery / operation made in US, next to C-section. Can I say, poor women?!? It feels there is something not right in the equation.

And, aside from financial reasons, the thing that made me think twice about surgery is that the reason why my mother is having polyps is because of hormonal imbalance. And so one of my big questions that has never been answered is why remove the uterus when the cause is hormonal imbalance. I asked our doctor about it before, and her answer is that one way to balance it is when we have our "period." And, since my mother is already menopausal, hysterectomy is what is for her.

Anyway, I set an appointment with Bio-Integrative Healthlink Center  or Wellness Land. Based on google results, they seem to be the most popular here in Cebu. Though, my mother has mentioned the name Romy Paredes already to me. He is the medical director of that center.

Anyhoo, anyone who has experienced with this clinic, please share. I am really groping as to how to go about this. And, it's doubly hard that it's hard to find a medically licensed doctor who also believes in alternative / integrative healing.

By the way, my decision is not really baseless. I read a book, authored by an OB, "Healing Fibroids," in which he advocated that as much as possible is to avoid hysterectomy.

So right now, I'm in search for a doctor who can enlighten me / us more.

Day 2: A Less Cloudy

I think I have to start by thanking God and the universe for keeping me calm. I thank God for giving me the gift of running. Running has really taught me how to keep myself calm in the midst of turmoil. Running has taught me to always look at the positive. And true enough, there are always more positive things we have to be thankful about.
I am scared. And one of the things I learned in life is that to fight fear is to embrace it and learn about it. Get to know it more, and the more we know about it, the more we understand it, the less daunting it is.
I had avoid for the longest time doing a research about my mother's uterine polyps / endometrial polyps because google search results can kill you more than help you.
But I have not much choice this time, and so I summon all my courage and google it. Thankfully, the resources google gave me were kind. And, if ever there were scary results, I have the courage to get through them and still see that there are more positive resources than any thing else.
Anyway, I came across a pdf book for sale online called "Miracle Fibroids," which is very good because it's uplifting to read its description and marketing pitch how it encourages women to avoid hysterectomy as much as possible. I wanted to buy it as it promises steps on how to treat fibroids. But, sorry to say this, I felt it felt spammy. All the search results I got from google felt like they're all SEO-ed articles. So instead, I went to amazon hoping that if it's available there, hoping to find reliable reviews.
But it is not available in amazon. Instead, Amazon suggested 3 titles about "fibroids," and which speak about an alternative way of dealing with fibroids aside from getting a hysterectomy. I downloaded the book, "Healing Fibroids: A Doctors Guide to a Natural Cure," and just finished reading it.
One of the reasons he cited why he does not highly recommend hysterectomy is that our uterus produces different kinds of hormones. And, if it will be totally remove so will be all the hormones that play vital roles in our body and life. It's quite a good read but don't expect that a well-laid out treatment plan will be given to you at the end of it.
But at least it will give you an idea of how to start. And, one of the things I should do is to find a doctor who believes in this philosophy -- about using our body to heal us, empowering our body to fight diseases.
Being not so keen with alternative medicine, I am groping where to find that doctor here in Cebu. Following are what I found on the internet, they are medical professionals practising acupuncture:
* Dr. Jefferson Ong --
* Dr. Felipe Lim - He's quite popular with the Chinese population here in Cebu. Contact info here >>.
* Dr. Romy Paredes -
My mother had mentioned Romy Paredes to me before but I'm so guilty for not taking it seriously at that time. I'll make an appointment with him this week, and talk to him about my concerns. I guess this time, I just have to step up and really let the doctor listen to me instead of the other way around.
Lord, please continuously guide me!

May 14, 2012

Where to start?

My mother had undergone 2 removals of polyps in her uterine. After her last D&C, the doctor advised that it's best to remove her matres (uteros in english). But because of her age (67) and her hypertension, we delayed the operation. I'm a bit guilty that we're hoping that it will just go away.
But unfortunately, it did not.
Now, we are faced with going for that one solution -- removing her uterus by surgery. I am really scared!
This time, I made a quick google and discovered that this is not a rare issue. A lot of women are actually suffering this, and most of the time, they're advised to undergo surgery. But a lot of women also do not want to go surgery and instead opted for alternative medicine and diet.
I found a few books and resources here and there. But having no background in medicine, I cannot quite point out which is true and just garbage.
So I'm creating this "blog" to help me sort out, and think through the vast of information.
Before I would end this post, I would like to share this TED Med video by Dr. Terry Wahls, who talks about how to feed and empower our mitochondria to help us battle illnesses. This is one of the reason why I wanted to explore the alternative, and "healthy diet" way of fighting my mother's problem.
Video here >>.

May 13, 2012

"Just Keep Moving" in Coming Days

Just when I was enjoying the view and the lovely rolling hills, a steep monster ascent came into view. And, there's no other way but to climb it up, and suck it in.

My nanay's health issues pops up again when I'm enjoying my "retirement." I'm shaken, and scared.

But as we all know, negative thoughts are just energy and time waster. So I'm now summoning all the positive vibes, and God's guidance to push us through this.

I just have to keep remembering my running mantra, "I'm stronger than you, pain." I guess in this case, I have to reword it to "I'm stronger than you, uncertainty."

May 12, 2012

Pinning Greeting Cards

I've been receiving 'happy mother's day' card for days already. I've been stashing them here and there. Then today, I saw these (they're 2) pinned on our door, artsy next to dirty door.

I'm not really fond of these mother / father / grandfather / ghost's day. But after all our stock of bond papers is gone, I have to be grateful for being gifted with these 3 smelly noisy adorable but-not-so-adorable-personalities babies.

I'm feeling so lucky I don't need a day dedicated to me to remind me that. :)

I really suck at this. I don't know how to end this without leaving out those people who cannot relate much with mother's day. Anyhoo, happy mother's day everyone. We all have Mama Mary!

31 Birthday Me-me Selfish Wishlist

I'm a sucker for me-me list. I love reading people's "101 things about me," bucketlists, or wishlist. It really makes me happy to know someone's favorite color, dream stuff, dream vacay, favorite dish, or whatever likes and hates. I'm just amazed that people can be so the same at some things, but can be so different in others.

I tried many times to come up with my own list. But I never get to finish them, as I always run out of things to list, or I got bored, or I got disappointed that I cannot come up with any thing interesting.

Hopefully, this time with 30 years of existence in this world, I could come up with at least 30 "nice" wishes. I'm calling this "selfish wishlist" as this would only be about me, nothing about world peace.

1. 10KM/hour that can be sustained up to 160KM, and also on uphills and downhills. enough said. I'm currently at 5-6km/hour sustainable for long runs.
2. 8km/hour. If 1st wish is too much to ask.
3. Mirinda Carfrae's boody. For me to get to that faster pace, I need to be in a racing weight. I don't think it's really about losing weight, but it's more of tightening the whole body that they can all work on giving me the faster pace.

But I think what I really like about Mirinda is her short hair. And so I cut my hair short, at least I got that part. =)

4. Orange bike. Orange-colored bike. After looking for an orange bike, I discovered that there's an "Orange" brand in bikes. =)

I think it would be sweet to have an orange Orange mountain/ xc bike. =)
The road bike is also cute. =) The eeny-weeny bubbles-like details on the design is cute. =)

5. Gummy candies. I love gummy candies, especially during long runs. The sweet and sour would be an emotional booster when every thing gets so dragging and lonely during long runs.

6. Kiamoy. It's also good to have a stash of this on long runs. The odd sour taste is a good entertainment to keep me up.

7. Clif Bloks.

8. Clif Shots. I'm not really fond of energy gels but when push comes to shove, this is really handy.

9. Singlets / Running tops / Dri fits. I've been using Mark's dri-fits but then they all get bigger and I'm left with nothing much to wear. The free singlets from races also got bigger on me.

10. A more calloused feet.

11. Running Capri tights.

12. Different flavors of Eng bee tin hopia except for pork and that one with egg. They're my equivalent to Magnum ice cream. Though La Fortuna monggo hopia brings back childhood memories.

13. Halo-halo and Shawarma with lots of extra cheese combo. Ever since I got into running, I always feel that craving for sweet and salty mix every after a long run. This combo exactly hits the spot.

14. Gel pens. But I ran out of space to store them so this can be scratched.

15. Colorful Le Sportsac big bag. But then I could not give away my 2 old ones and I no longer have space for new ones so this can be scratched too.

16. Orange / pink Sanuk slippers. My old one was stolen. =( Or any rubber slippers will do.

17. Teva rubber sandals.

18. Running skirt.

The hearts and flowers and stars are just sooo cute!
19. Colorful head wears / head buffs.

20. Yoga outfit.

21. Birthday run with buko juice party at the end.

22. Find more (accessible) trail routes.

23. More hiphop / R&B or "The Postal SErvice-ish" kind of music mp3 files.

24. Be able to tick off items from my footraces bucketlist.

25. To be able to finish this list before my birthday!!!

May 11, 2012

catching up with my age

Many times I'm being mistaken for a college kid. I'm definitely bragging. And, bragging is not complete without details.

Scene 1: Today at school, enrolling my 3 kids.

School Staff: Magsoon ni sila tanan? Puros man diay ni sila gagmay pa.
Me: O. Sunod man gud kaayo na sila nako pagkaanak.
School Staff: Aw. Imo diay ning mga anak? Abi man nako imo mga pag-umangkon. Pila diay imo edad?

Scene 2: Last last week, at yoga studio.

We were just 2 during the yoga session. The other one was a new mom to a 2-month baby. She fell asleep during the "dead" pose (i dunno what's the right term for it). When the instructor woke her up, she then explained that she was sleepless for the baby. I then inserted talking about my own "baby and sleepless" tales, and told them how I'm happy I'm over that stage.

They then gave me the confused look, and told me they thought I'm still a college girl. =)

Scene 3: Week before that yoga incident, at the starting line of a race (Coast to Coast Ultra)

At the check-in area, I had to have my race bib number and Mark's both checked. The person assigned seeing both our last names as Buenconsejo asked me if Mark and I were siblings. So I told him that he's my husband; we're married.

The staff then told me I looked too young to be married.

Scene 4: From time to time this would happen, during our runs together

When Mark and I run together, I'm usually way behind him as I'm very slow. So sometimes bystander would then comment to me how far my mate is. And, they would usually refer to him as father, or older brother. So sometimes, they would say something like, "Imo tong papa ang nag-una?" or "Hala, layua na sa imong maguwang oy."

I really do feel happy being seen as young. But sometimes, it can no longer feel funny when Mark and I looked like we're having an incestuous relationship.

Me and my papa (this was taken February, 2012)

Next Friday, I will be 31. I'm really wondering how to look that part.

May 3, 2012


I've been following a lot of mommy blogs. But when I got busy with running around and other interests and confusing stuff, I failed to keep up with them. And just lately, I'm reading a few of them back. And, I was surprised that one of them had broken up. How did it ever happen?!? I'm sad because they're such a lovely family.

Which made me think if ever there was a time I / we thought of separating or divorce or breaking up? Well, there are times that how I wish we did not get married and have kids young. But separating??? I think the closest is me being suicidal. I did suffer the severe PPD (post-partum depression) with the 3rd baby. That when I was at the lowest point, all I could see were hanging rope waiting for my head as pulling myself from the dumps was futile which just led me to drowning more into the bottom of the pit.

I wish I knew running at that time.

Anyhoo, I came from a broken family. And, it's not that bad. Well, I don't turn out that bad. What I'm trying to say is that getting separated or broken family is sad. But then on the bright side of it, it gives you that different color that we will not be who we are without those few skeletons in our closet.

I asked Mark if we'd ever get to that point. And, he said no because his only interest is his self. I don't really fully get what he meant. But I guess we're just at the point that we each have our own self interests that being in some marriage drama would be such a hassle to our own interests. 

May 1, 2012


My last entry was that we're in "chaos." I forgot what exactly Mark and I argued over. I think he was frustrated that his kids had / have no discipline. Of course, he was pissed at me because I'm now a "fulltime" housewife and he does not get it why I could not discipline our kids.

Well, my only reply is that his kids are his kids -- they perfectly have Mark's genes. Is Mark John a disciplined boy? How do you discipline a Mark John?!? A Mark John does not listen to any one. Mark is a crash-and-burn kind of person. He always would go after what's inside his mind until he'd get annoyed and stop. So all I can do is to just wait when the kids would crash and burn. Then, I could stick out my tongue at them, "Bleeehhh." =)

Anyway, I guess we're in a "transition" stage where every thing is new, and we're groping. Just like in any other stage, we have an idea of what is ideal but how to get or reach that ideal idea is a deep black ocean.

The 2 older kids will be both graders, and Mati will also be in school (I don't know what's his level. Some changes to the education system.).  They're in this stage that "brute force" / "ilad-ilad" kind of discipline does not work much. Just based on what I think, it's a stage where the kids take more from what we actually are doing than just our usual "good little boys and girls" go to heaven, or will receive gifts from Santa this Christmas stories to make them behave or eat well or listen to us.

If we want them to eat well, then Mark and I also have to eat well. If we want them to clean the house, then we have to show them that we clean the house. Of course, that's not a problem except that we're used to having the Ate's around. Removing Ate's is a totally different story. The thing is that we have to divert from our usual routine at home that we are most comfortable. And, as humans who are habitual, it's not going to be easy.

It's time consuming to be patient over kids learning how to fold their blankets, sweep, mop the floor than just I or Ate would do it. For the OC, it can be such a headache to see the kids are messing instead of really doing the job.   

I guess what added to the drama is that Mark is also having that "new stage" at work. So it gets messy for him. Let's just say he's doing non-programming works, and he does not really know what he's supposed to do. There's that ideal picture, but getting into that ideal picture is a big blank canvass and he's no painter. And he does not know any painter who can bring that ideal picture to reality.

So I guess that's why Mark is in rage last week over me? =) Anyhoo, there's nothing much we can do about it but to have that blind faith but keeping the nose and eyes wide open. I just have to reassure him that our kids' percentage of going to detention cell is very very slim as I'm doing a good job as a mother based on my scientific study. Funny, that I have to reassure Mark when I'm always the unsure person.

If it's running, to go the top, we have to endure a very steep uphill and we're not even sure if we really like what is on top. We can pause and look at our back and be amazed with the view from time to time. But it will be always uncomfortable if we want to move forward, and much more if we want to go up. And, once you're up -- you might need to take a painful descent, a rolling hills, or get stuck at the top. =)

So I'd like to believe that's why we are in pain or uncomfortable from time to time is that it's a sign we're still moving. =)