How would i be as a SISTER?

I was filling out a medical form for my mother when i came across a question asking about "number of pregnancies," i felt a pang of loneliness/happiness when I realized that i do have siblingsss, not 1 but 4. My mother had 4 pregnancies. I think i was her 3rd -- the only survivor. She had 3 miscarriages, with one of them for a pair of twins. That's why I (am supposed to) have 4 siblings, only they became angels too early.

I think the 2 pregnancies were ahead of me. Then i remember when i was a kid, my mother went to the hospital then something about baby inside the box. I think that was her fourth and last miscarriage. 

I wish i had at least an eeny weeny memory of them. All I could remember were the palm-reading games we played with my friends as kids, and then they would tell me that the lines of my palm indicated that I'm a "jealous" kind that's why my siblings were dead. Talking about brutal sibling rivalry. @.@

Looking at the number 4 on the form, it felt weird. 

I'm supposed to have an Ate or Kuya (i'm not really sure with the gender), and I'm supposed to be a big sister Ate. For a moment, I felt un-alone. 

But then they're all just a number on a medical form. And, I felt alone.

To my 4 siblings, I will celebrate national sibling day from now on!