Jul 7, 2014

Rough rainbow patches

I had given up a long time ago on! It's just too much for me to handle any more. But somehow, i could not totally pull myself out of it... yet.

One of the things that makes me want to let go is because when you're trying to "make money" out of the thing you are passionate about, i could no longer tell if this is for money or for passion. And, sometimes you really have to swallow your pride, and do it purely for money, and it's killing me because i can only perform well if i love what i' working on. And, i hate it so much when i not giving my best! And on and on...

It's really such a painful thing to do, that i really have to numb myself, forget about the passion, and trudge on. And, it has been working perfectly well when i
Numb myself; if what i'm doing is good or bad, if it deteriorates or not the community, every thing just goes out into the other side of my ear. Viola! I guess at the end of the day, nobody really cares what i'm doing and what are other people doing. And if nobody cares, why should i worry?!? 

Thing is, even if no one cares, i care! 

Because of numbness, it made me forget about negative things, but it also made me forget about the good things. I could no longer distinguish about good and bad, sad and happy that i tend to just NOT care at all.

Until i receive this text message this afternoon. Startup / entrepreneurshit or whatever you call this is a lonely journey. It seems you're surrounded with so many people, but at the end of the day, only you will go down and make bungkal the soil. It's not that no one wants to help, it's just when it comes down to the dirtiest part, it's something that only you understand so you have no choice but do it yourself. If it means kissing azz, then  go and make it look fabulous.

So the text message. Yes, it reminds me to be grateful. Despite of and inspite of, i do still have a lot of friends to count on -- you know who all you are!

And to the husband, i always hate being put into this sticky situation. But i could not deny that all these annoyances never fails to bring out the beast in me, thank you! 

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