Cognitive Dissonance

cognitive is thinking or the mind; and dissonance is inconsistency or conflict. Cognitive dissonance is the psychological conflict from holding two or more incompatible beliefs simultaneously. via Cognitive Dissonance theory.

Last quarter of 2014, I'm mentally agitated because it's the last quarter of the year, and the:

1.
A. Acquired Futuristic in me (thanks to the husband) is already telling me to make plans and execute them now for the 2015. It's complicated because I still have a 2014 "work load" to finish, which are some of them are already for 2015.

B. Original Present-ic in me is telling me "what's your problem? If you're going to do them, you will still have a boat-load of unfinished tasks. If you're not going to them, you still have unfinished tasks. What you should do is just quit. Because the world got screwed because of too many people wanting to change it."

2.
A. Me, myself, and I. I should go for my dreams and goals and whatnot because I need it for my growth, to satisfy my ego, to prove myself(?), or I think this is what will look good on my biography -- in the label of changing the world / moving the community forward.

B. Others. Sh*t, I have 3 kids, an ageing mother, and other people to give my time to. Time is running out fast. You will wake up, and then you'll NOT be included in their "Top 10 Best Memories of My Life."

I could go on and blah about this, but I have to cut it short because the Future and Present Self is already rolling their eyes pointing to the task list.

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I think I did have a lot of learnings this year that I could no longer use my usual scapegoat which is "Ignorance is a bliss." 

If only I did not know, I would probably not be experiencing a lot of dissonance.

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Note: I think "cognitive dissonance" in psychology is more appropriately used on person's moral compass.