I always look forward to creating a blog post on / for my birthday, but as always, when it arrived, i just lost the excitement of "publishing" one. Every year, I have these drafts and drafts of birthday post for myself written mentally and in my notes. But came the big day, i cringe at them / my thoughts.
Mark said that my birthday would fall in Boracay during this #wvtrip. I was speechless. In my mind, "watdafuq, how did it ever cross his mind that I would want to be birthday-ing in Boracay."
Somehow, it felt like my life has been like that. Things just happen to me without me exerting effort.
Days before going on a trip, a college batchmate asked what's my work. I replied, "none."
To my surprise, she exclaimed, "Wow? You're so lucky!"
I don't know if she was being polite or she really meant it. Anyhow, in doubt, take the positive take.
Somehow, my life feels like that. I get lucky doing nothing.
Early in the morning of the 5th day of #wvtrip, i went for a run. My feet brought me to Puka Beach and Punta Bunga Beach. There's an access road to these beaches which seems to be shared among the hotels in these area.
PRIVATE BEACH. I booked a transpo service with the hotel staff to Puka Beach . But he kept referring to it as "private beach" while I kept saying Puka Beach.
It confused me because beaches cannot be private right? And i felt we're referring to the same beach. Puka beach is a public, reserved beach -- it cannot be private. But maybe there's really a "private beach."
Mark told me I looked funny engaging in that "private beach" discussion. He told me that I just need to accept it as that, and minimize being "politically correct."
Sometimes, my life feels like that. I feel like I complicate it too much for me to handle. And it robs me off the joy of living?
Do you make life or life happens to you?
I have the bias that life is more meaningful when you go for it/create it, and not just wait for it to happen. The thing is i'm also too coward to go out, chase it, and make it. And, it probably is not "politically correct" to say that one is living a lesser kind of life just because he chooses to wait for life to happen.
I'm already 34. I once said it's okay to be sad. But when everyone around you is making things for you to be happy, i'm too selfish / ungrateful to be sad.
So yeah the "Private Beach" can probably add more hapiness.
Enough of my chaotic thoughts.
One thing i'm sure though is that my kids' chatter never fails to feel like sunshine...whatever beach we are in.
While taking the below photo,
Kids: 'Ma, unsaon nimo pag apil sa picture?
Me: selfie na lang ta.
Kids: never mind.
That surfer dude with boobs... Sometimes, i'm thankful for having a husband who, i'd like to believe, gets us into situations that requires me to think more. But sometimes, i wish i did not know to think more.
Then i do not have to overthink about being politically correct happy, and meaningful life over happy life?!?
And as my birthday gift to myself: I deserve a PAID SELFIE just like a beach branded as "private beach."
(I paid P100 for this selfie. It's meaningful happiness because I contributed to the economic gain of this Human Statue of Boracay.)